Being an adult can be so freaking frustrating. You know, when I was a kid, I couldn’t wait to grow up. I spent every birthday just waiting until I could be another year older. My sister and I used to lay in bed at night and pretend to be “teenagers” because we couldn’t wait to have all the cool priveleges that came with that. Granted, at that point, we just thought it would be cool to just be old enough to babysit, but whatever. It seemed like being a teenager would just be “the coolest.”
So teenager came and went, and the twenties are roaring by faster than I care to think about. And I’m having one of those nights where being an adult sucks.
When you’re a kid, you never think about the stupid serious things that come with adulthood. The mortgages, the planning for your future, the uncertainty of whether you are ever doing the right thing. There’s a lot less black and white as a grown up and a whole lot more gray. There are no absolutes, no guidebook for what to do or, more importantly, when.
I don’t deal well with uncertainty. I like structure, I like plans. I like to-do lists, and I like to tick things off and feel a sense of accomplishment when I’m done. More importantly, I like knowing that what I’ve done is the right thing at the end of the day. But everything in life is so damn uncertain. What I do today may be right for now, and wrong in the future. There’s no guarantee that the stock I invest in today is going to make money, that the job I have today is where I’m supposed to be, that the words I say to someone today are said at the right time and place.
Most times I can handle my neuroses about this crap. I can shake it off and tell myself I’m just overthinking things and that I should just go with what I think is right and deal with the repurcussions later.
But I’m having one of those bad nights where I’m wallowing in my own mind. Right now the only good thing about being a grown up is that I can shout the F*word over and over until I feel better without getting in trouble.